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Wee Ginger Dug

So how big an arse is Jibber Jabber the Butt, UKIP’s sole elected representative in Scotland? Is he an immense arse, a galactic arse, or is he merely a mahoosive arse? What there can be no doubt about is that the man is an arse, because every time he makes an utterance no one is sure which end of his body has parped his witless shizdom into existence. David is such a monumendous arse that there is no room for him on our planet. He orbits far out in the distant edge of the solar system, away out beyond Uranus you can find him: Rightuphisownanus, a lifeless ball of cold fart gas remote from intelligent life.

Those scientists who discovered the warping of reality caused by gravity waves could have saved themselves a whole lot of bother if only they’d listened to David Coborn, because he warps reality every time…

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