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Wee Ginger Dug

In a desperate effort to get some headlines in a country where most people think the party leader’s name is Bawbag, UKIP’s top candidate in Scotland has accused the SNP of adopting sectarian tactics because of a recent visit to a mosque by Al-Iqsammin. Many UKIP members believe he is a secret Muslim just like Obama, and the minute after independence he’s going to ban bevvy and pork sausages. You can write his name in Arabic letters and Al Qaeda will understand what it means – just how much more evidence do you need?

But if you’re still not convinced, Donald Trump is going to make a video demanding that Al-Iqsammin show his birth certificate, which will prove beyond all doubt that he is in fact a gay shoplifting communist Roma Muslim Romanian windfarm engineer asylum seeker on benefits who can’t be deported because he’s got a cat. And I’m…

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